Several weeks ago, at our first garage sale of the season, I purchased the book Calm My Anxious Heart for twenty-five cents. I do not believe that I am necessarily an anxious person, but I do have issues with contentment. One point author Linda Dillow made really struck a chord with me:
"Single women look at married women and wish for a husband. Married women look at their husbands and wish for different ones. Childless women long for children, and mothers long for the day when their kids will be in school. Is it even possible to be content with your role in the here and now?"
I love my husband and my children dearly, but ever since I left my teaching job to be a full-time homemaker, my mind has often been filled with "what if" thoughts, resentment of my husband working while I'm at home, and even jealousy of my working friends. The thing is, when I was working and we were having great difficulties keeping pregnancies, all I wanted was to have a family and be home with my children. I'm not trying to start a working mom vs. at-home mom debate, but what I am trying to do is be content and thankful for all that I have, including (especially!) my roles of wife and mother.
My previous blog was titled "Thoughts During Walks." I still enjoy going on walks with my family and on my own, but I have found myself spending more and more time at home. Lately I've been working on our vegetable garden, and I've been trying my hand at a little decorating (we moved into this house a little under a year ago). I also enjoy handcrafts and reading, and of course, just being. My younger son recently turned one, and I cannot believe how quickly his first year went. I want to savor each moment.
I do not want this space to be idealistic or unrealistic. I'm not a supermom by any means. I am just someone who wants to celebrate her home, the space in which she spends most of her day, and be content in all things.